pregnancy loss

My whole life, I always knew the soul purpose for my incarnation this time included becoming a mother. When you spend every day with this knowingness, it feels as though you have already waited a lifetime for it to come to fruition, because it has been just that. I dreamed of the day I would be in a position to start trying for a family of my very own. When that special time in my life arrived, and the stars aligned (so I thought), I was met with excitement, heartbreak and loss. Three times over. I have had three consecutive miscarriages.

Along with my experience came a lot of mental, physical and emotional turmoil and countless medical appointments and procedures. These experiences have changed me and ripped open my heart and soul in unimaginable ways. I will never be the same. We will never be the same. But one thing is for sure, it is a humbling journey, and my mama-heart will stop at nothing to get my babies here.

I was totally in the dark regarding the statistics and shocking reality at just how common miscarriage is. Let alone infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, stillbirth and other complications that can arise.

So many people live a silent struggle and have to carry on with business as usual to keep up with the demands of our daily lives. The problem is, the topic is still fairly taboo. It can be an isolating process and I found so much comfort in chatting with friends who have walked a similar path. I am so grateful to those who open up about the pain they have been through. Reading blogs and finding other resources online have made me feel far less alone in my struggle. Even writing this is healing for me. The pain never completely leaves, but it does soften. My intent is to bring awareness to the topic and help anyone I can with what I have been through.

The statistics are eye opening:

  • 12% of reproductive aged women/couples have troubles conceiving or carrying a pregnancy. That’s 1 in 8 women/couples.
  • 1 in 4 pregnancies don’t make it.
  • 55% of people think miscarriage is uncommon.

 

Personally, I had no idea about these statistics. Why? Because no one really talked about it. I cringe at the past when I reflect on times where I would boldly ask people about their plans for their family. Please consider the statistics next time you speak with someone about their plans for their family. It’s not unlikely that they could be struggling with one or more of the above. The pain and sting that comes from questions and comments like “When are you guys having kids?”, “When are you and Phill going to start trying?”, or “Have one already!” can be debilitating. Of course the questions are most often innocent and come from kind-hearted people with good intentions.

Another common issue is when people already have one or more children, and it is assumed that since they have already had them, what could possibly go wrong with subsequent pregnancies. Questions and comments such as: “Are you guys going to have more?”, “When is ____ going to get a sibling?”, “You aren’t getting any younger!” can be just as painful. The same statistics apply, and you never know what people are going through behind closed doors.

Getting pregnant, staying pregnant, carrying to full term and giving birth is a GIANT feat.

And on the other end of the spectrum, a lot of people don’t feel “ready”, aren’t sure if they want kids, or are perfectly content without them.

To anyone who has experienced infertility, loss, or recurrent loss, just know you are not alone. You are just as deserving of that family you’ve always dreamed of. Although it may not be the path you imagined for yourself, the hidden lessons will take you to far places, and will stretch your heart in ways that nothing else can.

To my incredible husband and father to our angels, thank you for everything. Your tireless strength, unwavering support and warrior spirit have pulled us through some dark times. I love you endlessly.

My biggest takeaway is this:

You can fall in love with the plan, just don’t fall in love with the timeline of the plan. A lesson in patience and love, that is for sure.

With love,

Jessica Screeton

5 thoughts on “pregnancy loss

  1. Always wise beyond your years. You are so strong and brave, thank you for sharing something so personal that will no doubt resonate with others ❤ xo

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  2. Jessica Screeton, you are a beautiful, strong and amazing human! Thank you so much for sharing your story which will help so many know they are not alone. I will be forever grateful for your friendship and your amazing outlook on life, it has helped me in so many ways!

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing your story Jessica! You are an incredible women and a true warrior yourself… Your story of loss hit home and I know it will help so many others out there currently suffering silently, who can now know they have a soul sister through this and they are not alone! May you and Phil be blessed and continue to find strength within each other, on this road you are traveling together.. XoX

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  4. Beautiful, vulnerable and brave. Darryl and I tried for over two years to have Bennett. Every month it felt like fresh hell when my period arrived on schedule. I learned too how painful the innocent and well meaning questions could be. It’s a very isolating experience. The hardest part of the whole experience is that there was nothing medically out if whack with either of us. When I was referred to a fertility specialist I was given a new terrifying statistic, something like 7% of people have trouble conceiving when there is no identifiable reason. I think that might have been the worst part, no answers. We have now been blessed with a little baby boy and I am thankful everyday but the unanswered questions stay in the back of my mind. What happens next. I am thankful for conversations like these and the amazing people who stand by our sides. I am thankful for you Jessica.

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  5. i strongly believe that talk and body therapies need to be covered mental health benefits extended to women who have experienced any form of pregnancy loss. it’s a quiet, private, intimate course that can be sometimes destructively tough to navigate. like trying to sail the ocean with out a compass. sure, there’s a north star to follow, but that’s about it. waves of emotion and undertows of loss, grief, abandonment. six years later and i’ve only recently found peace. jeez, i would say how sad or unfortunate that it’s gone unprocessed for so long. but i’m no longer going to criticize myself for it. the most incredible distinction for me – with this recent repair of my spirit, no longer will i blame that circumstance for being the cause of retracting from life’s gifts and abundance. that was the trickiest part, to be so be blessed with the magic of life inside you and then no longer. understandably, the pull of the under current becomes quite strong. my biggest advice for anyone who’s experienced a pregnancy loss, equal parts talk therapy (with a specialized women’s counsellor and better yet women’s trauma therapist) and equal parts body therapy: cranial sacral, somatic, emdr, etc. our bodies are this incredible structure that fire between cognition, psyche, and physiology. all intertwined. with the distinction i came last night, i’m now declaring to have an empowered, expansive and positive relationship with time in the sense that i will no longer waste it frozen from trauma or grief or heavy with un-resolve. i will see time as precious, full of opportunity, possibility, and abundance. whether my life comes with the blessing of babies or not is to be determined, but i’ve the gift i was temporarily given was a gift of its own. and with it, it’s given me a greater appreciation for another of life’s gifts, which is time.

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